


setting yourself free

by ladykestrel



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Gen, post-Allegiant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladykestrel/pseuds/ladykestrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the movies his friends made him go and see, letting go took a split second and then people were free from their burdens. Free to move on and live, enjoy life and never worry about it again. It was not how real life worked. Here, letting go was a slow, steady process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	setting yourself free

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago, mainly because I needed some kind of father and son closure since Allegiant didn't give that to me. This is an attempt at going after it on my own.

It was the mirror again. The one from his fearlandscape. It was there, right before his eyes.

This time, it wasn’t a simulation. Marcus, the man he despised more than anything in the world, was right in front of him, in casual clothes, wearing a casual expression. As if he didn’t commit any crimes, as if he didn’t inflict any pain. 

Tobias wanted to yell at him, to smash his head against something, anything. He pictured himself hitting him, over and over again, until Marcus felt just like he had, all those years ago. But that would make him no better than his father. He wasn’t going to step so low. That fear wasn’t going to become reality.

Marcus was the embodiment of calmness. Where Tobias’ hands were curled into trembling fists, his lay gently, leisurely on the armrests. While Tobias wanted to rip his father’s head off, Marcus’ expression didn’t give away anything. He simply looked at his son. It was driving Tobias past the point of anger, wavering on insanity. _Why was he here? After all this time, why come back to ruin everything I’ve done for myself?_

In Tobias’ head, Marcus was like the one childhood nightmare that never went away. Always creeping back into his dreams, taunting him, making him suffer, even if he wasn’t physically there. Marcus always managed to do that, he never went away. Tobias tried to escape him by transferring to Dauntless, but he haunted him there still.

Then came the attack simulation. A thought had run through Tobias’ mind when he had learned of the invasion of the Abnegation sector. _What if the Dauntless soldiers gotten to Marcus? What if the world was rid of his evil for good?_ It had been wrong, but a small part of Tobias couldn’t help but hope it true. Seeing him, hearing that his own personal demon would go with them to Amity, had been a punch in the gut. 

Even then, Tobias had been afraid of him. And he was still afraid now. He hated what just the sight of his father did to him. He didn’t want to feel fear, only anger and hatred. That proved impossible. After all, the fear had been beaten into Tobias time and time again.

"Son," the devil opened his mouth. "It’s good to see you. Been a while, hasn’t it?" His expression morphed into that emotion you feel when you see a good friend for the first time after years of no contact between you. _The nerve of him_ , Tobias thought. 

"Yes, it has. Not that it is any of my fault but I’m sure you have a few accusations to throw around, don’t you?"

Marcus, for a second, looked genuinely taken aback. His eyes filled with surprise. Then, remembering who he was, the calm, pleasant expression made its way back to him. 

"Don’t be ridiculous, Tobias," Marcus waved his son’s bitter remarks off, "I’m only here to see how you’re doing. You are my son, after all."

"I am not your son, I am not your anything. You took that away the first time you laid a hand on me and started treating me like an animal. And then acted like nothing was wrong, what you were doing to me was normal, acceptable. Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? Do you even care?" Tobias was fuming. His voice may have remained even, but inside he was shouting, yelling and punching.

"There are reasons why I did what I did. It was for your-" 

"My own good, right?" Tobias interrupted him. "Because whipping the lights out of your own kid is for the better. Yeah, I can totally see where you’re coming from, dad.” He spit out that last word like it was venom. In Tobias’ mind, it was.

His father stood and walked purposely towards him. He didn’t stop until he was right in front of Tobias, two sets of the same eyes watching the other.

"Listen to me boy," Marcus’ tone had changed, his irritation ringing out clear. "You don’t get to speak to your father like that. I do not have to explain myself to you. I don’t answer to scared little boys like you.

"Jesus, look at yourself, Tobias. I look at you and I see the same boy you were, the fear in your eyes, the resentment, the hopelessness. I’d thought by now you’d have become a great man, but alas you’re still a child. I suppose I only have myself to blame for not bringing you up correctly." Marcus sighed, the fire extinguishing from his dark blue eyes.

And just like that, something in Tobias clicked. The rubber band of hatred and fear and anger he’d been pulling finally snapped. He realised he need to let go in order to be free of his father’s tyranny. What had Tris said to him, once upon a time? 

_You can’t be fearless, remember? Because you still care about things. About your life._

Her voice echoed through Tobias’ mind. She had been so strong, so fierce. She had never been afraid of Marcus or what he might do. How he missed her. How he wished she was here to help him through this. She had been brave for the both of them.

Now it was time for Tobias to find his own strength.

It was true, he still cared. But not for the things that mattered. Tobias had let himself be consumed by the pain he’d felt, by the resentment he felt towards both his parents - his mother for abandoning him, his father for torturing instead of nurturing him. There were so many things Tobias should be grateful for, happy. He had friends who had become his family. He had a stable job and a roof over his head.

Gone were the days of looking over his shoulder for impending danger, gone were the war and its ugly aftermath. Tobias was living the safe, secure life he’d always dreamed of. Why in the world was he letting the past plague him when he should be focusing on the present? 

In the movies his friends made him go and see, letting go took a split second and then people were free from their burdens. Free to move on and live, enjoy life and never worry about it again. It was not how real life worked. Here, letting go was a slow, steady process. 

You won’t wake up one day with your burdens gone but you can decide you don’t want them to be burdens anymore. You can take the wheel and steer away from your fears, and little by little, the distance will grow until you can no longer see them in the rear view mirror. 

That was what Tobias needed to do.

He needed to grip the wheel of his life tightly and speed away from his father. 

He needed to set himself free.

Tobias had always wanted Marcus to explain himself, to make him understand why the beatings he took were necessary. He couldn’t care less now. It didn’t matter what Marcus had to say for himself. His explanation will never be able to erase the scars Tobias had carried his whole life. He’d never get his father back, assuming he ever had one.

Looking at the world through different eyes, Tobias turned to his father and saw a stranger. The large scary silhouette of his father was replaced by the image of a pathetic man who’d lost everything because of his actions, his need to control everyone and everything around him.

"Maybe you’re right, Marcus," Tobias started, "maybe I haven’t become a great man, like you have always been," he said with a smirk.

"But I am no longer a child, like you seem to think. I did some growing up these last few years. I’ve been growing up ever since the Choosing Ceremony. I’ve become a mature adult, with a good life and people to care about. I’ve molded myself into someone whose kids would be proud to call dad. That’s something you’ll never have. I suppose I have to thank you, though. If it weren’t for your treatment, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So thank you." Tobias smiled at his father, a true genuine smile. The he turned around and walked out, not caring that this was his home and if anyone should have left, it would’ve been Marcus. 

Zeke welcomed him with open arms and a stack of beer.

Despite everything, Zeke had forgiven Tobias and they’ve renewed their friendship, hanging out just like old times. 

They spent the night drinking and laughing and sharing stories from before, making fun of Marcus and his “shit of a haircut” and Tobias had never felt so light.

A few days later, Tobias learned Marcus was here to stay, having moved back to Chicago when he was offered a job as an attorney in the city. Tobias passed him sometimes on the street, with their firms being close in distance, but it never bothered him like it did before. They didn’t greet each other, not even with a nod or a glance. It was as if they were perfect strangers. 

The former Erudite had decided to keep the Dauntless simulation technology and even set up a new fearlandscape facility, for those curious to see what their worst fears were. Tobias hadn’t been in his since before leaving the city’s limits, while the faction system was still intact.

After his encounter with Marcus, Tobias decided, on impulse, to go and see if and how his fearlandscape had changed. He was left pleasantly surprised when Marcus was no longer part of it. He was still deathly afraid of heights and still struggled with claustrophobia, though not as much as before, but the fear that had always been a constant, had disappeared. 

Tobias had finally started to let go.


End file.
